In the presence of non-drinkers, I never thought about drinking.
Jack London
Stopping drinking is difficult but possible. Only a truly loved one can help in such a situation. Those who try to help an alcoholic to stop drinking to save to solve some of their problems (such as housing) will achieve nothing. Love alone is not enough to get rid of the most difficult addiction, you still need to know what to do. Because it happens that the strongest and noblest human feeling in a given situation causes relatives to save the alcoholic and develop a bad stereotype about him. As a result, they only contribute to the development of alcoholism and become independent themselves.
The traditional role of the relatives of alcoholics, most often the wife, is the "nanny. " In the classic version, the "nanny" does everything that is impossible and impossible to keep the family afloat, and those around them are unaware of the presence of an alcohol problem. order in the house, he raises children, and this upbringing also has its own peculiarities: children are taught from an early age not to carry "dirty linen in public. "The relationship with the "half" of a "nurse" drinker depends on the condition of that "half. "During a binge, the "nanny" takes care of an alcoholic: he finds him in the places where he drinks and brings him home; he calls to work and says he is sick; tries to neutralize his aggression, often enduring punches and insults; feed and wash.
In a sober period, the "nanny" may continue to patronize and please the alcoholic, hoping to protect him from drinking in this way, or, on the contrary, to burden him with various acts and duties. In both cases, after a while, another bining develops and everything starts all over again. Such a cyclic algorithm of relationships can exist arbitrarily for a long time. Not only does the "nanny" exacerbate the development of alcoholism through her actions, but in the end she herself cannot live any other way. That is why so often the wives of alcoholics, when they remarry, again choose drunk or drug addicts as their partner.
The general rule for all relatives, regardless of who is sick with them - husband, wife, father, mother, son, daughter - is to do nothing that contributes to the development of addiction. This means:
The drinker has to solve his problems himself.
Well, since he creates them himself, let him decide. Otherwise, you won’t have a barrier before your next booze as he hopes for your help. Sometimes it goes to absurdity: the husband has spent on consuming the whole "family dish, " there is nothing in the house, and the wife is running around her acquaintances, borrowing money to pay off her husband's debts, which she is tivorny.
Trying to save, you don’t have to call an alcoholic at work and say you’re seriously and suddenly sick. First, it’s not good to cheat - don’t set a bad example for kids; second, after two or three such calls, no one will simply believe you, and at least they will laugh quietly at you; and third - today he saves him from a simple blow that might have stopped him, and he drinks even harder tomorrow and eventually loses his job.
From our point of view, it is completely unacceptable for compassionate relatives to buy alcohol themselves in order to be drunk. With the same success, you can offer your loved ones medications or other poisons.
treatment is not always pleasant and painless.
For example, if someone has an abscess somewhere on their body, they can hide it under their clothes, pour deodorants to make them odorless, create a greenhouse effect for them to move less and not feel pain. As a result, all this leads to the development of sepsis and death. If, despite the pain, an abscess is opened, a course of antibiotics is "stabbed, " even though it is quite painful, then there is a high probability that the person will recover.
You have to keep your promises, and if you can’t keep it, you better not give it.
Alcoholics, quitters, and drug addicts are very sensitive to where something can be achieved and where there will be categorical rejection. In this respect, they are like children and often need to be communicated with as children: where necessary - praise and where necessary - punish. But not a single, even the most insignificant, episode of alcohol consumption can be ignored, and it is, of course, necessary that the level of "punishment" should correspond to the degree of "violation. "And don’t be fooled by the solid age and representative appearance of "sinners". Good carrot and stick regulations often work well across a wide range of ages and social backgrounds.
For example, if a wife promises her husband that she will divorce her in case of another bining and literally comes "on her eyebrows" that night, she should write a divorce statement at least the next day and ask her husband to sign that she agrees. request can always be taken away, but practice shows that such decisive steps make the husband think about his problems much faster than the many reproaches and unfulfilled promises.
Your attitude to alcohol should be constantly negative.
Any alcohol consumption, even the lowest, even the smell of smoke, cannot be left without a negative evaluation. That doesn’t mean you have to do scandals with the pot break every time. This should not be done under any circumstances - such "showdowns" only lead to an alcoholic with a clear conscience "relieving stress" and being happy to tell sympathetic drinkers what a slut his wife is and that she drinks for her only. Such situations must be discussed calmly, of course - with common sense, their reasons analyzed and real conclusions drawn. It should look something like this:
- Dear! You drank again at a party yesterday, even though he promised not to. It was very uncomfortable for me because at the end of the evening he seemed completely indecent and coming back from you was just scary, he was so aggressive.
"You see, I was in a really bad mood yesterday because of problems at work, and I decided to drink a little so as not to spoil the appearance of others. And beside me was the housewife’s husband who kept pouring in for me so I didn’t have time to eat. And the vodka was probably of poor quality - it still hurts my head. That's probably why I went too far.
"It seemed to me that if a man gave his word, he would have to keep it! "And it turns out it’s easier to break a promise than to say "no" when pouring vodka!
- You understand. . .
- No I do not understand! Let's not fool ourselves! We need to talk about this more and more often over the last year - I think it’s time to consult a professional.
- You need you and they need to be treated.
"First, we both need it, and second, no one will treat you, we’ll just talk to a psychotherapist about how to behave in certain drinking situations.
Sometimes such a conversation is enough for a person with alcohol problems to agree with us, but more often he resists in every way possible, alluding to the lack of free time, the uselessness of this visit, and many other "valid" reasons. You need to be adamant and stick to yourself more and more firmly with each new alcohol episode. Also, if the conversations are fruitless, don’t hesitate to use other methods of pressure that are inspired by your intuition and knowledge of your loved character. Otherwise, let us not forget to be regularly reminded that in developed countries, every more or less self-esteemed person has their own psychologist whom they meet regularly. And if it weren't as embarrassing as riding a humpbacked "Zaporozhets".
Every conversation with an alcoholic should have a definite logical ending.
Any conversation or discussion about an existing alcohol problem must end with some constructive decision. Under no circumstances should you stop halfway and let your patient’s alcoholic "I" deceive everyone again and force you to postpone real anti-alcohol actions indefinitely. Because usually such conversations end with the alcoholic’s promise to stop drinking and formally everyone is reassured. Clearly, after a while, everything repeats, and so on - endlessly. So if a drinking relative says he understands everything, realizes it, deeply regrets it, and it won’t be like that anymore, he will accept his word from him that if he still drinks at least once (no matter how much), a psychologist will go along.
When rescuing from drunkenness, do not drink in the presence of an alcoholic.
The smartest thing a patient’s relatives can do is also not drink or keep alcoholic beverages at home. Alcohol can only be in one form in such a house - as part of external disinfectants (iodine, bright green and the like). And while many of our patients who haven’t been drinking for many years feel completely relaxed in their drinking business and indifferent to alcohol, it’s better to play safe. The fewer provocative factors, the calmer. This is the first, second, note the following:
The situation is not very promising when one alcoholic who categorically does not consider himself educated and tries to help another alcoholic who is "more successful" in creating everyday and social problems (along with the Green Snake). calls are not convincing if you breathe smoke into you, and the difference between a sick and a similar "healthy" person is that the latter has not yet lost his job and his wife has not yet left.
Don’t hide the fact that your loved ones have a problem with alcohol.
It’s not that everyone urgently needs to tell her husband’s drunken clowns. No, but no one should be deceived, misled, pretended to know anything. Under no circumstances should children be deceived, let alone forced to lie. They usually know and understand everything perfectly.
If you’re sure that involving people who influence the alcoholic in solving the problem: parents, adult children, friends, bosses, colleagues will help advance the cause - don’t hesitate to tell them everything and ask for help.
The conversation with the alcoholic should be meaningful.
It is not enough to say that he drinks a lot and often. For him, this is an empty term. You should prepare in advance for a conversation with an alcoholic, especially if you involve someone else. To do this, it will be helpful to record the frequency of alcoholic episodes, the degree of intoxication, and behavior in this condition. Simply put, you should keep a diary, preferably with illustrations. That is, if it is possible to videotape drunk flights, this should be done, and the moral and moral implications of such actions will be discussed when rescuing a loved one from the consequences of a serious and incurable illness.
The alcoholic should receive objective information about his illness.
The drinking person subconsciously perceives all information one-sidedly: he only hears and sees what he wants and what he does not want - he ignores it, he does not pay attention to it. Of course, only the information that does not harm the friendship with the green snake comes to mind. The role of the censor is played by the very alcoholic "I", the inner voice that speaks inside every alcoholic and justifies, disguises, adjusts things related to drinking to the norm in every possible way.
In this regard, in order for all negative information about the disease and its consequences to reach the recipient, a problem-solving approach is needed. You won’t get anywhere if you stick all the walls with newspaper clippings and anti-alcohol posters. But if you happen to say that one of your mutual acquaintances, who by the way was several years younger than you, is already in the next world, and his next stall is to blame for it, he falls into the alcoholic mindset.
One of our patients "woke up" (in his words) after barely recognizing his classmate in one of the homeless people rummaging in the trash.
Be sure to let the alcoholic read our book, it is specifically written so that it would be interesting for everyone to read.
Help the alcoholic sober "I".
Don’t wait for the alcoholic to start changing his or her life stereotype, but actively (but not intrusively) help him or her with that. Take it to cinemas, theaters, sports fields, take it out of the city, meet interesting people. The alcoholic himself (if, of course, he still adapts socially) often finds it very difficult to do so because he is in constant temporal trouble - the lion’s share of his time is taken over by the green snake. And he has already lost the habit of such events, not knowing from which side to approach them.